Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Confessions of a real, imperfect Mom

The mothering world out there is harsh. Yep, no kiddin! Dengan tanggung jawab membesarkan seorang anak (atau 2, 3, bahkan lebih), tekanan untuk menjadi “the ultimate supermom” itu sangatlah nyata. Seolah-olah your existence will be graded on how your kids will turn out. Sejak masih mengandung, kita sudah dibombardir dengan berbagai macam pilihan buat si baby setelah dia lahir nantinya: cloth diaper or disposable, breastmilk or formula, organic food or ordinary available groceries, co-sleeping or independent sleeping, ….. the list goes on and on and on and on. And then comes social media with the pictures and statuses of Moms who make all their kids meals from scratch from their own organic garden, make their toys from all recyclables, have the clean house like from the magazine pages,  and all the “ideal” things we all want for ourselves and our children. After all, our kids are top priority, so we want only the best for them, right?

The thing is, the pressure is so intense to be the ultimate super-duper mom that sometimes we lose ourselves in the beautiful journey of motherhood. We think that being a mom is another chore to cross off our daily list. But it's not. 

You forget that being a mom is a lifelong BLESSING. And your kids LOVE YOU for who you are, not for what others think about you.

 You can be so busy in trying to create the “Perfect and Ideal” that you lose sight of what’s important: loving you for who you are and being happy just being together with your children. 

Don’t get me wrong, we all have ideals and goals to strive towards. But don’t treat motherhood as if it were a black and white TV show. The episodes of motherhood are far from black and white, right or wrong. Apart from the religious and moral rules that we follow, the rest is an infinite number of pixels and colors that make your journey the ultimate blessing that God gave you. Each and every mother’s journey and struggle is her own. You are not one to judge them because you will never know her whole story. Remember, mothers are humans that make mistakes. Mothers are also lifelong learners that do their best within a given circumstance, so we should treat each other like that. Spread knowledge without judgement, because each mom will make decisions based on what’s feasible for her family, which sometimes might just be the best of the worst choices that she has.

So for all fellow moms out there…
Stop pressuring yourself because you are not perfect! Anak-anak akan belajar bahwa menjadi seorang manusia tidaklah harus sempurna.. yang penting adalah kita tidak pernah berhenti berusaha  untuk melakukan yang terbaik yang kita bisa. Bacalah banyak ilmu soal parenting dan pilihlah yang kira-kira cocok buat keluarga dan situasi yang dijalani. Take baby steps with your kids because your journey is not for them, but with them. Jelaskan ke anak-anak (dengan sederhana) bagaimana kita berusaha menjadi lebih baik sedikit demi sedikit. It’s okay to let them know if you make mistakes.. minta maaf dan beri tahu upaya kita untuk belajar dari kesalahan itu. Dengan demikian, kita memberikan contoh nyata bahwa it’s perfectly human to make mistakes, dan yang penting terus berusaha belajar menjadi lebih baik. 

Nikmatilah waktu makan dengan anak-anak, apapun makanannya. Nikmatilah waktu bermain dengan anak-anak, apapun mainannya. Nikmatilah waktu dengan anak-anak, titik. Be happy just being with them, apapun momennya.

And be happy being you, a mom. Take time to take care of yourself. Eat chocolate when the kids are sleeping. Watch cartoons with them in your pijamas from time to time. Have ice cream for breakfast as a special treat. You make your own happiness, not others. Never stop learning, never stop loving. 


Happy Indonesian Mother’s Day. Be happy, Moms… enjoy your blessing!

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